Hello, it is your Goddex speaking.
With only a week delay thanks to randomly falling ill, we managed to have our second session. And boy, was it a session.
Please refer to the last adventure log, Drawbridges, to see where we left off.
The guards see through their disguise, and ask what they’re doing. Astor fails a deception, Ryuu fails an intimidate, but Broadbeard succeeded, and threatened to replace their eyeballs with their scrotum and vice versa.
One guard runs away, the other guard attacks, misses, and Broadbeard kicks him so hard in the nutsack, his ballsack splits and is instantly knocked out.
The guards at the front doors notice through the disguise, and sounded the alarm. They all started running, Filen did a perfect stealth check, and Astor, on a shitty stealth check, started setting fire to things in an attempt to distract.
With everything on fire, they paint a giant target on their backs, and a hail of arrows hits the party. Some are hit, some are not, and they try to set fire to the drawbridge on the way out, which fails horribly.
They start bolting towards the stables as per Carmen’s request. They all get on a horse, with Filen on backwards, and they start bolting for Whitecliff. Bells are going, the alarm is sounded, and guards are mobilising both in front and behind.
Carmen responds by nicking a guard’s bow, another’s quiver, and headshots a guard as she’s riding. Broadbeard misses entirely, Royal runs a guard through with his rapier, and Ryuu gives someone a nice haircut.
They finally approach the docks, and Carmen dives in to get to her ship. Royal dives after, and starts drowning, while everyone else just about swims. Geovanna grabs him, but struggles to keep up. Filen grabs Merley and becomes a dolphin, while Ryuu helps Geovanna and Royal. They all scale the ship, with Geovanne fucking hucking Merley up when she gets up.
Carmen stamps on the boat, waking up the Captain and helsmen, who grumpily wakes up and goes above deck. She grumbles, laughs at Lorechester Castle being on fire, and instructs them to unfurl the sails and get going.
As the ship picks up speed, two boats pull up alongside, and guards start to climb aboard. Ryuu shanks one in the chest, and Merley finishes him off with a magic missile to the face.
A fight breaks out, and Geovanna accidentally chucks her shortsword into the ocean, and dives after it. Royal gives a guard even more depression with Vicious Mockery. Princess Carmen headshots a guard after Filen slices his throat. Astor moves behind Filen and Broadbeard, and the guard charges, causing Filen and Broardbeard to dissect him. Geovanna finally makes it back up aboard the ship, and runs through a guard, while Carmen continues to pop off headshots.
Eventually, all the guards fall, and the helmswoman whoops and cheers as they pick up speed, and head out into the open ocean.
Tune in next time to see how they manage the chaos of the seas, and hey, maybe we’ll get some even more interesting rolls.
… and they better start praying to me, your Goddex and beloved DM, Asari.